My grandfather tried to warn them about the Titanic. He screamed and shouted about the iceberg and how the ship was going to sink, but all they did was throw him out of the theatre.
Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.
Another World’s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles “how to read a book”.
The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common “enemy”.
A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.
Retirement is the time in your life when time is no longer money.
Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
How do you know your old? People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
The best time to start thinking about your retirement is before the boss does.
Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.
Grandma’s been staring through the window ever since it started to snow. If it gets any worse I’ll have to let her in.
Why do Retirees smile all the time? Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!
A mate said he saw several elderly men repairing shoes in the back of a van. I reckon it’s a load of old cobblers.
How many retirees to change a light bulb? Only one, but it might take all day.
Work hard and save your money and when you are old you will be able to buy the things only the young can enjoy.
Don’t mess with old people, life imprisonment is not that much of a deterrent anymore.
When is a retiree’s bedtime? Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
My dear old grandmother always used to say the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, which is why she lost her job as a cardiac surgeon.
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?
What does a 75-year-old woman have between her breasts that a 25-year-old doesn’t? Her navel.
How can you tell that you’re getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheated on me.
Back in my day, we didn’t watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful.
I was at an ATM and this old lady asked me to help check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I have three kids, one of each.
I don’t date older women because it takes too long to listen to their life story.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from local zoo.